Sooner!

We've adopted a dog from Oklahoma named Sooner. He is a rescue and we are happy to have him as part of our family. He fits in well: he doesn't dig, he's house broken, loves his mommy's peanut butter treats and enjoys watching football with his daddy on the couch. A hunter by instinct, his favorite hobby is chasing squirrels or watching them through the window.

Over a Month

We have been in Wheaton, Illinois for about a month and a half now. 

Our time here thus far has been full of  adventures already! 

-The church has moved across the street from their old building into their new building and sanctuary {please see (camera phone quality) pictures below of the new sanctuary}.

-Family has visited not once but twice and another visit is in just a couple weeks!

-We have been approved to be parents...parents of a doggie, that is! The adoption process is underway to adopt a dog named "Sooner," a german short-haired pointer.

First Impressions & the Fish Bowl

Definition of first impression:
the initial information received about and impressions formed of an individual, which can be difficult to forget, even when they are contradicted later

Definition of fish bowl: 
1. a state of affairs in which you have no privacy
2. a transparent bowl in which small fish are kept

As church workers and families of church workers, we are familiar with these terms.  We experience this during field work, vicarage and call. We are being watched from every angle.


There are preconceptions for church workers and their families. These expectations can range from how a child is disciplined, whether the wife works, the pastor's hair style and which vehicles they drive. Most of us are people pleasers. And, naturally, we want to make a good impression. This can be stressful.


Here are a few bits of advice from fellow fish bowl dwellers:


In a new place, sometimes we may draw inward because of shyness, knowing we will be living in a certain place for a short time, or we're afraid of losing further privacy: "Think about what you will miss out on if you don't put forth the effort to get to know people." Embrace where you have been placed and embrace the people.


~~~


We had been here a few weeks and the paper had just published a simple article about us -mostly my husband's education background and from where we originated. That morning I walked into the thrift store and got a "Wait- aren't you from the paper!?" 
Then I went into the grocery store and a little old lady snapped, "Hey! You 'guys' have to eat too?!!!" 
I calmly replied with a smile "Yes! Incredible, Aye?" and she continued "Not only that, but I LOVE it!" she cackled. Yea- it was a cackle.
I felt really uncomfortable. Of course I eat. I'm not a Kranken from the sea. If she did come to that stark realization right then and there I'm thankful she just announced it- because that is an important realization- vicar's/pastor's families ARE human. But- if she was being snarky, I feel feel that's too bad.
I shared this story with you because I think we all are going to have that 1st moment (and 2nd and so on) where we are set back with realization of how powerful these preconceptions are. 
In fact- I have caught MYSELF- a vicar's wife- battling my own preconceptions about these positions. Now you know they must be powerful if I have preconceptions about my own position! HA!


~~~


In my mind I had a vision of how a vicar's wife or pastor's wife is supposed to be. Nearly perfect. (Shouldn't be too hard, right? ;-)) And my mission was to meet and exceed that ideal. Well, just days into vicarage, something I said to the pastor wasn't perceived as I had intended it to be understood. And then it happened again.  I feel like a failure. My stint of feeling like the ideal vicar's wife lasted only a few days. So much for perfection. My enthusiasm deflated as a sense of failure took its place. My husband said with an encouraging smile, "Just be yourself and do your best." Seeking the Lord's forgiveness and guidance, I look onward with a different perspective. There are no cookie cutter vicar's/pastor's wives out there, we're all different and we all have different talents and character traits to offer. We're human, we mess up. And really, from a parishioner's point of view, I think a vicar's wife is be more approachable if I saw that she had imperfections - just like me. :-)


~~~



A woman came up to me after church and said, "Hi, I haven't met you yet. My name is Barbara.* What is your name?" I responded with my name, mentioning that I was the new vicar's wife. Barbara smiled shyly and said, "Ohh, well, I'm just one of the people in the pew." Giving an empathetic smile, I said, "Aren't we all?" She blinked and said with a glowing smile, "Yes, I suppose that's true."
*Name changed for privacy.


~~~


I try to remember advice I was given by a seasoned pastor's wife: "Let them love you".


~~~


I've discovered that there are ALWAYS expectations of the pastor's wife (esp in regards to what the last one did). BUT most parishioners either do recognize that you are a different person or they will after you gently explain that you don't play organ or don't feel comfortable leading LWML, etc. (unless, of course, you do or want to!) A kind word and gentle response from you usually helps to clear up misconceptions best - and just be patient. Also - former pastor's wives can also be pushy about what you should be doing, depending on their personality. (I had adult organ lesson books left here for me as a not so subtle hint that I should learn organ...) And you may find items left behind in the parsonage, like we did. Make your home and your church involvement your own and don't feel bad about it! :) Parishioners love you for who you are, so don't feel like you have to fit a mold of any kind. Just love them back! :)

Dear sisters in Christ, be yourself. Be a God pleaser, not a people pleaser. (When you're a God pleaser, you'll be pleasing the right people anyway.) Reach out to the people of your congregation and let them love you. Bloom where you are planted.

Galatians 1:10 Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

John 13:34 ...Love one another...

Where do I, "Mrs. Vicar", fit in?

Over the past two years in Fort Wayne, Adam has been attending classes. I've been working 40+ hours a week. We were both quite busy and have been in that familiar higher education routine for 6 years.

And now that routine has changed. Adam has begun his full-time+ job as Vicar. And I'm not working full-time, which is an odd feeling.

{So what did I do today, my first day in a long long time without a job? I went to IKEA (surprise, surprise :-) ;-)) and had a "Sarah Day" to chillax after the busy weekend.}

While putting dishes away this afternoon, I thought to myself, Where do I fit in? What am I to do? What is my role? What will this creature of habit's new routine be?

I then remembered a SWA (student wives association) event I attended. The vicar and pastor wives panel event came to mind...this certain get together consisted of questions and answers; the newer wives sought advice, encouragement and direction from the more experienced wives.

Here are some of the things that I remember from this event and I pass these onto you, fellow wives, who, like myself, may need a bit of encouragement as we adjust to our new environment and role.

Your role as wife is to make the house a home, a sanctuary, a place of rest and rejuvenation. 
Support your husband's ministry by supporting him with encouragement, a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on.
His church is your church too. Get involved and join the church family. 
The Lord has placed you and your family in this congregation - trust in Him and His plan. 

Remembering these pieces of advice give me a sense of resolve, encouragement. Thank you to those wives who shared their experiences. Your words lessen the "odd puzzle piece" feeling, for as wives, we too have a vital role in the ministry. We are an important piece of the puzzle.

Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

July

July has been a busy month for us! We moved from Fort Wayne to Illinois late June. We have been visiting family, a supporting congregation and took a road trip to and from Maine. August 4th is the upcoming big day - moving day! Later this week we will be moving to Wheaton, Illinois for Adam to begin his vicarage.

Here are some photos we took while on our road trip...we visited the beautiful Niagara Falls! The majestic scene reminds me of the Lord's mightiness, His fantastic creations and wisdom as described in Job 38 and 39.

Transition

Dear sisters in Christ, wives of seminary students,


For many seminary families, there are times during the seminary journey when the insecurity of transition can be....well, "uncomfortable."


Summer, after seminarians have received their vicarage assignment or call, is one of those times when hundreds of questions and uncertainties may arise in our minds.  And anxieties of moving away from our dear friends...or them moving...or both of us moving!


Concerns I've heard over the past few summers at sem:


"All my friends left for vicarage! They will be back in a year, but then we'll be leaving for our vicarage....hopefully our paths cross next summer."
"My good friend has moved away...and it's for her husband's call. They won't be coming back to seminary. I may never see her again."
"We move for vicarage in a matter of days and I'll be leaving the friends that are more like family. What if I don't make friends during vicarage.... I'll only be there a year....  w h y  make friends?"


Dear sisters in Christ, this seminary journey is such a great adventure! Yes, it has its sorrows and frustrations, but we are so blessed to have this opportunity and privilege of supporting our husbands through this trek and further the Gospel. The seminary community is rich with support, encouragement and comfort. As Philippians 4:19 reminds us, the Lord will provide.


During this time of transition (and always), let us count our blessings and keep our eyes on Jesus. Close friendships can be maintained (thank you email, Facebook, Skype, texting, phone, etc). Embrace where you have been placed...whether it be at seminary, vicarage, or call. Bloom where you have been planted and trust in His plan - He loves you and will always take care of you, even through the heart-wrenching pain of leaving beloved friends.


Philippians 4:19 "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus."


Hebrews 12:1,2 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

Finally in Illinois

Moving day on June 30th went well overall. Despite a leaky tire on the van and the day running behind schedule, our things made it to storage at our vicarage church.
For the month of July, we will be living with family and vacationing. Early August we will be moving to Wheaton for Adam to begin his vicarage. (Many sem students have said that time flies during seminary...it's so true! For two years I've been looking forward to vicarage and it's here already!)
We are thankful for the wonderful support from our family, friends and supporting congregations during this time of transition and always. Thank you!!